If Larry King wrote this blog

You're certainly familiar with Larry King, the longtime interview host on CNN and, before that, late-night radio. You're probably less familiar with his writing.

Larry wrote a weekly column for a while for USA Today. He also wrote a similar column for The Sporting News for a bit. The writing style was, um, unique. Quirky. Unmatched.

Definitely unmatched. I should know, I tried today to write like Larry. I found out: IT'S TOUGH:

When it comes to the Kentucky Derby, I've learned never to bet against the defending champion.

If Bobby Knight is doing the talking on ESPN basketball coverage, I'm doing the watching.

Watch out, Tiger: Ernie Els is officially on the prowl.

Those NFL mock drafts sure make the countdown to spring go that much faster.

If life were an open book, Donny Most & Anson Williams would be Chapter 8.

It just doesn't seem like a Presidental campaign without Tom Tancredo.

Am I the only one who butters both sides of the bread?

I can't believe all this talk about bias in the media. They'll probably tell me next that the YES network is slanted toward the Yankees.

I'd watch auto racing more often if the cars went clockwise.

Peter Forsberg, Adam Foote ... It won't be an official reunion of Avalanche greats until Patrick Roy signs and suits up again.

It ain't a baseball season without Julio Franco. He makes me feel young again.

If you think condiments are the work of the Devil, you're my friend.

Hey, Paul Newman, that sequel to "Slap Shot" just wasn't the same without you.

You'd think inflation would have forced them to call it "The 800 Club" by now.

Is it just me, or are there others who think Will Ferrell's next movie should be about curling?

The scariest phrase for Red Sox Nation is "Now pitching for the Yankees ... Kyle Farnsworth."

I saw David Letterman & Morgan Fairchild guest on a "Mork & Mindy" re-run today -- talk about your "dream teams"!

You can have the Williams sisters. I'll take the Klitschko brothers.

I'll forgive Walter O'Malley, er, Paul Snyder one of these days, but not yet.

See what I mean? I'm through. From now on, Larry is on his own.